To Gabriel

 Flawless - He is fashioning all the delicate, inner parts of your body, knitting you together with complexities and engineering that the brightest human mind could never fathom or explain with an equation.

Marvelous - It must be to be you, tightly bound in the dark, warm womb. Never alone. The heartbeat and voice of your mother, muffled greetings from your father, and the laughter of your sister accompany the nearer presence of your creator.

He has already seen your shape and form. He knows whether you’ve inherited my nose or your mother’s eyes. Having laid out the days of your life in His book, He knows what sort of man you’ll become - my guess is that you’ve already made Him proud.

This is something that He and I have in common - both your creator and I have thoughts about you that are too precious to be contained with mere language. We have both loved you since you were nothing more than an idea. I have already held you a thousand times in my thoughts

I don’t need to know anything about your appearance, your abilities, or your nature. Whatever the source of your future guilt or glory, your future doing is completely shadowed by your simple being. It is enough to know that you are my son.

The preparations are just about finished. Your room is almost ready, your grandmothers have already bought plane tickets, and your mom, dad, and sister can hardly wait to meet you.

Ps 139:13-18

Lent

So I was sitting in a coffee shop this morning having my usual stare-out-the-window-and -think time, and I couldn’t help but notice something hilarious. Across the street is an income tax joint - you know one of those places that promises the best and fastest refund possible. Being tax season, I guess they must be in full gear on marketing, because they have these poor college kids (and they must be truly poor to take a job like this) standing on the side of the busy road in ridiculous Statue of Liberty costumes.  Seriously - like a choir robe from a trendy church in 1986 with a spiky hat.

I’m sure their job description is pretty simple:  “Smile and wave at cars passing by to draw attention to the business.”  The funny thing is, the Statue of Liberty girl this morning was not smiling or waving.  She was texting - like for a good half hour she was staring down at her phone with her fingers going a mile-a-minute. Its not like someone had forced her into Lady Libertydom - She applied for the job. She was dressed for the part, and was even expecting a paycheck for her efforts - but she was completely distracted by her bff who was constantly lol-ing while they shared omg moments. Meanwhile she was completely oblivious that a texting Statue of Liberty makes even less sense than a smiling-waving one.

A follower of Christ is also curious creature. We have committed to a life that is foolishness to most everyone. Our struggle is that while at some point we were committed enough to put on the costume, as time goes by we forget to smile and wave. We forget to do what we were born to do. We get distracted. A distracted Christ Follower looks foolish in a different and less noble way than a committed one - like a ship puffing out steam and blowing its intimidating horn while sitting still in the harbor. Like a college girl texting on the side of the road in a Statue of Liberty costume.

This is why I love Lent. Lent is when we scrape off the barnacles and put our oars back into the water. It is a time to turn off everything with a switch (if only two year olds had a switch) and sit quietly - staring deeply into His eyes. It is a time for being quiet and reverent, repentant and focused. Lent is when we renew our hearts and prepare ourselves for the celebration of the life and death and life of our King, Lover, Redeemer. Its when we think again about what each of those titles really mean.

During this season, may we all adjust our robes, straighten out our spiky hats, and be who we were created to be - incurable lovers of Jesus.

The Dirge

Aisha Grace

Aisha is almost three.
She is a bouncing, crayon-on-wall coloring, see how far I can get from the chair leaping, green tomatoes out of the garden picking princess with a pretty good tiger growl and an incredible smile.

"Daddy - shhhh...stop talking. Me want ice cream."
"Daddy - I peed in me bath."
"Daddy - I peed in the grass."
"Daddy - me princess, you prince."

and that's when I melt into nothing.

I'm not very good at babies - especially not newborns. Its not like I don't love my kid or something, but they are just kind of like...I dunno...a worm. I mean I feel a little helpless and hopelessly useless besides changing diapers or cuddling or passing them off to the feeding station (aka mommy). With Aisha I found myself waiting excitedly for the "next stage" and dreaming about the day that I just lived out today.

We made up a stupid song for cleaning the house, fought a quick battle to get her teeth brushed, rinsed the pee out of the tub (who knows what twisted two year old circuitry inspired her to relieve herself in the empty tub when we weren't looking) sang the songs, prayed the prayers, and kissed her soft cheek good night.

I'm undone because the days I was so eagerly hoping for are here...but they are passing. No doubt the best days are ahead, but these ones will never return. Ok forgive me that I'm trudging through the same dirge that every parent does at some point, but this is really tough.

So - Gabriel is coming. And since I'm not strong enough to keep the earth from spinning, or whatever it is that makes time, I'll do what I know I can do. I will live in slow motion. I will hold on to each memory like the last bubble that makes it all the way across the street and into the neighbor's tree before it pops. I will remember that kids were born to grow up, and I will enjoy them all the way from worm to wedding day.