Welcome, Gabriel

Wednesday afternoon I was sitting in my office when I leaned back in my chair, and for just a second imagined what it would be like if Rachel were to go into labor. It wasn't a far fetched dream, since we were officially 5 days late.

Just then my phone started singing Rachel's ringtone. "Guess what babe!" That was the beginning of a really long night. Rachel was having strong contractions about 15-20 minutes apart, and although this had happened before, she knew instinctively that this was the real deal. I came home a few minutes later to go on a walk and think though our plans. I have to admit that I was pretty skeptical-  I didn't want to get my hopes up and be let down yet again. After a while, though, it was clear that this was it. Since she was still so early in labor, we thought it would be best that Rachel's mom and sister continue to take care of her while I go back to the church for another hour or so.

By 9pm there was no doubt! My mind was all mixed up and foggy, so I called a quick meeting with Rachel's mom and sister to make sure we had everything set. We decided to try and get Aisha and her cousin Lyla to bed before we took off to the birthing center. Rachel was having contractions about every 5 minutes, and they were stong enough that she was starting to groan through them.

We left for the birth center at about 11pm. When we arrived we learned that Rachel was at 3 cm and 80% effaced. The midwife got us right into our room. Rach labored like a pro. As each contraction came and went she would moan with a deep "ooooooooooh", like we learned in our childbirth classes. Feeling a little odd making bovine sound effects, Rach asked us to moan with her - then quickly shushed me because my voice was too low and annoying. Melissa moaned with her through every contraction - she was a huge encouragement to Rachel.

At 2:45 am Rachel was at a 5+ and it was time to get into the tub. Contractions were coming fast and furious, and the tub provided huge relief! Rach was still having contractions, but she almost fell asleep! No wonder they call water the midwife's epidural! Just two hours later she was at 10cm and pushing. I can't tell you how proud I was of Rachel. So much pain but such a sweet spirit! Our midwife Nivia was a pro - a short, 60 year old Jewish fireball from New York who has delivered nearly 5,000 babies. When Rachel was about to push she put her hands over her belly and prayed the most beautiful prayer of blessing in Hebrew- calling Gabriel to come out!

At 5:12 am the midwives let me help catch Gabe and bring him up to Rachels chest. He was breathing perfectly and enjoying the comfort of his mommy's arms. It took a little rub on his back to coax out a squak, then a good cry. He took to the breast instantly, then after about 30 minutes I cut the cord and the ladies began to attend to Rachel while Gabriel was cleaned up, weighed, and wrapped in blankets. Official stats: 9lbs. 2.5oz, 21 in.

We are amazed. Thank you, Faithful Father for giving us such a precious gift. Thanks for Rachel's strength, her incredible endurance, and for keeping both her and Gabriel completely healthy.

PS - Turns out the Jewish midwife's husband is a pediatrician - Gabe has a certain special appointment with him on the 8th day...

The Waddling Woman Waits

I should be headed to bed right now, but I couldn't help it - I had to write. Rachel and I are in the middle of this strange dreamworld where waiting and wondering and waddling are the consuming activities of every day. I wonder how many times we've said, "He could come today," or , "I think this contraction hurts more than the other ones have." Officially we aren't due until next Friday, the 19th, but Rachel's body is already running practice laps - so there's no telling.

Its hilarious. On one hand it kind of feels like Wednesday in the office and you remember that on Friday you are leaving on this huge vacation to Tahiti or something, and an electric zip of adrenaline sends kamikaze butterflies through your guts. On the other hand it is kind of like the feeling you get when the bell is going to ring in like 2 minutes and you know that it is "Manly Mondays" in football practice and you are about to go through something that might make you puke, but at the very least is going to leave you exhausted and sore. You really want to be there on the field but the self-preservation shoulder angel is screaming that you would be better off had you joined the chess club instead.

I can't wait to meet Gabe. Rach is amazing - she's beautiful and tough and I know she's going to do great. Aisha is getting a little jealous already (she's tired of this mystery boy that is already stealing the limelight). I know she'll make it, and learning to share won't be half bad.

To Gabriel

 Flawless - He is fashioning all the delicate, inner parts of your body, knitting you together with complexities and engineering that the brightest human mind could never fathom or explain with an equation.

Marvelous - It must be to be you, tightly bound in the dark, warm womb. Never alone. The heartbeat and voice of your mother, muffled greetings from your father, and the laughter of your sister accompany the nearer presence of your creator.

He has already seen your shape and form. He knows whether you’ve inherited my nose or your mother’s eyes. Having laid out the days of your life in His book, He knows what sort of man you’ll become - my guess is that you’ve already made Him proud.

This is something that He and I have in common - both your creator and I have thoughts about you that are too precious to be contained with mere language. We have both loved you since you were nothing more than an idea. I have already held you a thousand times in my thoughts

I don’t need to know anything about your appearance, your abilities, or your nature. Whatever the source of your future guilt or glory, your future doing is completely shadowed by your simple being. It is enough to know that you are my son.

The preparations are just about finished. Your room is almost ready, your grandmothers have already bought plane tickets, and your mom, dad, and sister can hardly wait to meet you.

Ps 139:13-18

Lent

So I was sitting in a coffee shop this morning having my usual stare-out-the-window-and -think time, and I couldn’t help but notice something hilarious. Across the street is an income tax joint - you know one of those places that promises the best and fastest refund possible. Being tax season, I guess they must be in full gear on marketing, because they have these poor college kids (and they must be truly poor to take a job like this) standing on the side of the busy road in ridiculous Statue of Liberty costumes.  Seriously - like a choir robe from a trendy church in 1986 with a spiky hat.

I’m sure their job description is pretty simple:  “Smile and wave at cars passing by to draw attention to the business.”  The funny thing is, the Statue of Liberty girl this morning was not smiling or waving.  She was texting - like for a good half hour she was staring down at her phone with her fingers going a mile-a-minute. Its not like someone had forced her into Lady Libertydom - She applied for the job. She was dressed for the part, and was even expecting a paycheck for her efforts - but she was completely distracted by her bff who was constantly lol-ing while they shared omg moments. Meanwhile she was completely oblivious that a texting Statue of Liberty makes even less sense than a smiling-waving one.

A follower of Christ is also curious creature. We have committed to a life that is foolishness to most everyone. Our struggle is that while at some point we were committed enough to put on the costume, as time goes by we forget to smile and wave. We forget to do what we were born to do. We get distracted. A distracted Christ Follower looks foolish in a different and less noble way than a committed one - like a ship puffing out steam and blowing its intimidating horn while sitting still in the harbor. Like a college girl texting on the side of the road in a Statue of Liberty costume.

This is why I love Lent. Lent is when we scrape off the barnacles and put our oars back into the water. It is a time to turn off everything with a switch (if only two year olds had a switch) and sit quietly - staring deeply into His eyes. It is a time for being quiet and reverent, repentant and focused. Lent is when we renew our hearts and prepare ourselves for the celebration of the life and death and life of our King, Lover, Redeemer. Its when we think again about what each of those titles really mean.

During this season, may we all adjust our robes, straighten out our spiky hats, and be who we were created to be - incurable lovers of Jesus.

The Dirge

Aisha Grace

Aisha is almost three.
She is a bouncing, crayon-on-wall coloring, see how far I can get from the chair leaping, green tomatoes out of the garden picking princess with a pretty good tiger growl and an incredible smile.

"Daddy - shhhh...stop talking. Me want ice cream."
"Daddy - I peed in me bath."
"Daddy - I peed in the grass."
"Daddy - me princess, you prince."

and that's when I melt into nothing.

I'm not very good at babies - especially not newborns. Its not like I don't love my kid or something, but they are just kind of like...I dunno...a worm. I mean I feel a little helpless and hopelessly useless besides changing diapers or cuddling or passing them off to the feeding station (aka mommy). With Aisha I found myself waiting excitedly for the "next stage" and dreaming about the day that I just lived out today.

We made up a stupid song for cleaning the house, fought a quick battle to get her teeth brushed, rinsed the pee out of the tub (who knows what twisted two year old circuitry inspired her to relieve herself in the empty tub when we weren't looking) sang the songs, prayed the prayers, and kissed her soft cheek good night.

I'm undone because the days I was so eagerly hoping for are here...but they are passing. No doubt the best days are ahead, but these ones will never return. Ok forgive me that I'm trudging through the same dirge that every parent does at some point, but this is really tough.

So - Gabriel is coming. And since I'm not strong enough to keep the earth from spinning, or whatever it is that makes time, I'll do what I know I can do. I will live in slow motion. I will hold on to each memory like the last bubble that makes it all the way across the street and into the neighbor's tree before it pops. I will remember that kids were born to grow up, and I will enjoy them all the way from worm to wedding day.

Breaking the Silence - Anybody There?

The last time my fingers danced around the keyboard to write in this blog I was sitting in a hotel 10,000 miles away. We are back in Texas now. I was about to say that we are back home now, but the sense of what home is has changed for us somewhat with all this traveling. If we had a compass to point toward home, it would be useless - always pointing straight down at our feet.

It has been a happy 7 months now that we've been back from Africa. God blessed us to move into an incredible home. The day we got back Rachel and I found out that we were pregnant! Seven months later Rachel is entering into the inevitable stages of misery that precede Gabriel's birthday!

Aisha is doing wonderful- she talks about her Agogo and Isaac daily. I have no doubt that were we to move back to Malawi today she would feel right at home. She is such a precious girl. Growing up and speaking so much now- she is down right hilarious.

We are enjoying ministry to middle school students at Palm Valley Church- it is awesome to see God transforming the lives of young people while their hearts are so tender. I am also leading a few missions trips in the coming months - taking a team to Guatemala in June to visit an orphanage run by Tom and Susan Stukengberg in the Mayan village of Santiago Atitlan. Then in July I'm taking 25 to Thailand to lend a hand to Mercy International, an incredible Australian organization caring for orphans who are HIV+.

Our prayer these days is that God would simply use us to make a difference in people's lives wherever we are. Some days it is hard to be back, but we remember that we serve the King of Kings- and he knows what he is doing.